Nelson 30th Anniversary weekend 18-20 October - Bethany Park, Kaiteriteri

Nelson’s 30 years of Hashing Anniversary Weekend. Bethany Park Motor Camp, Kaiteretere. 18th – 20th October 2024. Nelson H3 was founded in 1994 by some Hashers after Rotorua Interhash and as history shows they ended up having “two” first runs. Perhaps I can sum up the early days as follows:- “It started with their very first run, at the venue, Branford Park, With a group of hearty Hashers out to drink and have a lark. But a crew from Christchurch missed the call and really had the yen, So we said “Fuck it, that’s ok, we’ll do it all again!” And so it was that they organised a second first run too, Another day of trails and beers, we’ve nothing else to do. They held the second first event at flashy Monaco, And from that day they kept it up, a Hashing they would go. Like every club they had to have a patch whilst on a run, So it came to be for all to see, the brilliant Nelson sun. But over time the patch was changed, “See what they think of this”, Good old Lord Nelson, drink in hand, hurdling a barrel of piss. Well the years they came and the years they went, now here we are today, And many a member from the very first, had fun along the way. They’d run and drink and drink and run as the decades rolled along, And those that came and went through time have helped to keep us strong.” And so, after many months of organisation and research by the event committee, led by our illustrious GM, Mini Ha Ha, the time arrived to celebrate an important milestone in the history of Nelson H3. Thirty years of Hashing is a big deal in any Hash Club, so we wanted this event to be one to remember for all involved, both attendees and organisers. With the major drawcards being the location and a “surprise” activity, we were relying heavily on the weather Gods, obviously including our RA Sierra Hornie, for a rain free sunny weekend. I can only presume it was the overwhelming influence of SH on the other Gods, that brought about the stunning weekend that it was, after forecasts in the preceding weeks of 15cm of rain. And so things got underway on the Friday, with the delivery of piss, food and other essentials, (in that order btw!), to kickstart a great weekend of Hashing. With final numbers of 71, including some coming across the ditch from “Straaya”, the venue, which was the same as Nash Hash 2023, was perfect for our requirements. It didn’t take long for all to get settled in the bunkrooms or park up their homes on wheels and join in the festivities. There was many an “oooh” and many an “aaahh” as people received their welcome gifts of an awesome celebratory patch and an even more awesome beach towel, displaying a massive Lord Nelson logo and reference to Nelson’s 30 year celebration. The first official act was a rousing welcome from Mini Ha Ha and the revelation that the “surprise” activity, was a boat trip up the coast to Apple Tree Bay. With strict time restraints in the morning, it was emphasised that they would need to be at a certain place at a certain time to avoid any fuck ups. “Good luck with that”, I’m sure was the thought running through most minds at the time, so we would have to wait and see how that panned out the following day. So with announcements complete, everybody settled in to enjoy a dinner of ham and salad washed down with their chosen beverage, and an air of anticipated excitement crept over the venue as tales of Hashing, both land based and maritime, were swapped amongst those present. With the promise of fair weather the next day, hopes were high for a great day out in the Able Tasman National Park. Saturday……Trail day!! The day dawned clear and sunny and NEARLY everyone made it and gathered on the main beach at Kaiteretere, awaiting the arrival of the boat. Sadly, Right Arse had WAY too much fun on Friday night and didn’t make the boat trip, not bad though to only have one missing. After a short wait, during which the handle broke on one of the chilly bins, spilling a number of beer cans onto the sand, the boat arrived, and everybody went to go aboard……or so they thought! :- “The boat is here let’s raise a cheer while we cruise on through the sea, It’s a lovely day what better place could any of us be. Let’s climb aboard, this merry crew, we’re happy with our lot, But no, before we hit the waves, we have to have a tot. A Port no less to keep in mind, Nelson’s nautical theme, In a little cup we got to keep, my goodness did it gleam. I’m sure the thoughts of all those there, was that this was really living, Another gift from the goody bag, that only keeps on giving!” And so with celebratory port distributed and all aboard, we got underway and headed up the coast, past Split Apple Rock, and onto Apple Tree Bay. The majority of Hashers disembarked here to set off on a stunning walk or run, through native bush with intermittent views of the sea as they went. After a while the track opened out along the top of the hills with fantastic views of Tasman Bay and the coast line heading towards the destination, Piss Stop and lunch venue, of Anchorage. With a short walk along the beach and past the DOC hut they came upon the lunch and Piss Stop venue, only to find the chilly bins full of piss they saw being loaded onto the boat, were not actually there. They were however, a short distance away on the beach, as by that stage, the crew of elderly and infirm Hashers tasked with delivering the aforementioned goods, had only got them that far. Let me explain:- “We always have a Piss Stop where we drink a few cold beers, But getting there with no cold piss is one of our biggest fears. So the boat took off and left us there, with the chilly bins on the beach, Alas the destination, looked sadly out of reach. And so it was the ragged bunch of stragglers on the day, Pondered their options of moving the piss to the venue down the way. As they racked their brains to find a way to move them as they oughta’, Mole said, “I know what we’ll do, we’ll float them through the water!!” So up we got this motley lot and dragged them down the sand, And it started looking likely that we had the task in hand. As long as they float in the salt sea moat, we would be in luck, But if they don’t, I’m sad to say, then we are pretty fucked! With anxious eyes and fingers crossed, Mole placed one in the briney, Lo and behold it slid with ease and made our task look tiny. And so it was our forlorn plight was looking like a win, And we cheered out loud as we moved the bins with all the beersies in.” So the hardy group of Beermeisters got the piss to the far end of the beach, using the “Close enough is good enough!” formula and all enjoyed sarnies with a snack bar and a piece of fruit for lunch and a thirst-quenching beverage from the chilly bins. (Once they found them!) There was much discussion about the awesome trail they had just completed, (amongst other things), and before we knew it, the time had come to get all the bodies and the consumables back to the pick up point for the return journey to Kaiteretere. Whilst the bodies took care of themselves, it was decided to use the same mode of transport for the chilly bins, as it worked so well the first time. So as they were floated back down the beach with everybody thinking how swimmingly well, (pun intended), it was going….. this happened:- “With lunch all over and swims all done we headed back to the boat, And the chilly bins with much less piss were easier to float. But suddenly from the sandy beach from amongst the wandering horde, Sierra Hornie ran for a bin and tried to jump aboard. Well no surprise it didn’t work, she was soaked from heel to hair, And her precious cell phone left her pocket and sailed through the air. Along with the damage she’d already done this situation sucked, So once it landed in the drink her phone was really fucked. She grabbed her little voice machine from the sandy salty water, And realised what grim demise her circus trick had brought her. With her bottom lip down past her hip and trailing in the sand, She knew bravado and disaster, often went hand in hand. So from there on in she walked along the beach like all the rest, With now no hope of riding, the refrigerated chest. However as she closed in on the meeting point ahead, Another tot was being served, but this one green not red. When we left the start we got some Port, but time was getting tight, Now this one was for starboard, not the left…the right. With Midori downed and no-one drowned we headed out to sea, What a cracker time was had by all, that was plain to see.” We got back to Kaiteretere and enjoyed a leisurely (if not loud) stroll back to the campground. There, it was business as usual with everyone either relaxing in the sun or playing games, with the most popular one being “Jelly shot Jenga”! Of course, as always there was the traditional Fine Session, so after a while Mudguard called us to Circle for the eagerly anticipated Punishment Period. For a little while nothing happened and then we realised why, as our GM, (Mini Ha Ha), and RA, (Sierra Hornie) appeared, resplendent in matching multi-coloured full length coats, accompanied by traditional three cornered hats. I’m pretty sure this was the first time anybody, including the Nelson Hashers, had seen this, and added a colourfully refreshing aspect to what was already, a great day. The Fine Session started with those present who attended the “First” Nelson run and then those who attended the “Second First” Nelson run, joined them. It was, as I have come to learn with Nelson Hash, an entertainingly funny Fine Session, which included the regular Fines at away weekends as well as several Fines from the floor. Following is a summary of the aforementioned Fines, but, due to a technical issue, (ie: a shit memory), I am heavily reliant on the RA’s notes, which thankfully, she still had. (Cheers SH) First Run and Second First Run Attendees: Plumley, Soup, Teddy Beer, Soak, Romney Marsh, WENDY, Toy Boy, Red Light District, Oxfam Legs and Vaseline Elly. Sierra Hornie, Plumley and Stroker: 1000 plus runs with Nelson H3. Congratulations! Soup: 500 runs with Nelson H3. Well done! Plumley: As a representative of Nelson H3, received a Down Down in an engraved triangular glass vessel, which was a significant heirloom of Nelson H3 dating back to the first days. 30th Anniversary Organising Committee: Congratulations on a job well done. Hares: Mudguard, Mini Ha Ha, Plumley, Shaggus and Poopa Scoopa. Lost property: Soup, songbook from 20 years ago. A-Minor, celebratory Pannikin. 5Nil, towel from 5 years ago. Stroker, his Mum’s memoirs which he used to write his Hash notes on. Wendy: Did not sign the book for the “Second First” trail, 30 years ago. Great research! Nazal Kum: Abusing a little girl for riding her bike faster than he could go. Also Nazal Kum: Being designated as lolly boy on the plane to celebrate his 65th?? Birthday. Couldn’t Cum: Paid her rego twice for two people, then paid for accommodation twice, but only for ONE person?? Hard luck Pete! Phlonker: Impersonating Lip Splitter. (In a high pitched semi-female sounding voice), “Yes you can have head”!!?? Red Light District: Killing wildlife in a National Park by swallowing a fly. DOC would not be happy! Nice But and Handle: Recent Birthdays. Right Arse: Missed the boat and day out. RU?? It was at about this point that the Fine Masters whipped off their coats, only to re-don them, showing that they were fully reversable and were now dressed in bright purple, very impressive. Bolyx: Making a presentation to Navigator from Christchurch at Nelson’s Anniversary weekend. Felloffa: Fell over by a pole so immediately got up and danced on it. Plumley: Worst joke award. “Why did the elephant cross the road? It was the chicken’s day off!” Sticky Willie: Left his undies on the boat. Don’t ask! Fannys Gash: Having a Short Beaked Sandwich Eating Kiwi, (Weka), steal his noodles, but whilst that was happening another one stole the coffee from his caravan, obviously the intended target. Nice decoy work Short Beaked Sandwich Eating Kiwis!! Poopa Scoopa: Causing RLD to swallow a fly by announcing they had done 1km and she said “Yay”! Gypsy and Felloffa: Chatting up the Park Ranger. Mini Ha Ha: Calling a boat a “boot”. (Leave her English accent alone!) A great Fine Session with plenty of hilarity was then concluded with the announcement of “Social Drinking”, a call which was taken up with much enthusiasm and “Much Rejoicing”. Then, just when you thought you had received all the good stuff, a dinner of bar-b- queued gourmet sausages, steak and salad was served. With dinner over it was back to Social Drinking, as is the tradition, with some choosing to watch music videos on the big tv whilst others mingled, drank and chatted about all things Hash and pretty much anything else that came to mind. They say that the sign of a big day is an early night. And so it was that most, if not all, were tucked up in bed by about 1:30, obviously dreaming about their big day in the Bay! Sunday…..time to say good-bye. Of course, all good things, (and GREAT things), must come to an end, and so it was, we found ourselves gathered for the “Sunday Fine Session” conducted once again, by our GM and RA, in much less formal attire. Arguably the most important Fine was for the organising committee and helpers, for putting on a truly “Primo” weekend. Recognition that was well deserved, as I can honestly say, I would struggle to find anybody who did not have a great time. Other fines included but were not limited to:- Lost property: A traditional Fine with a vast array of property belonging to too many to mention individually. Sir Creamalot: Being charged with the task of keeping Master Baker, (Nelson’s), phone safe and dry whilst he floated a chilly bin down the beach. This he did, but then, not appearing to give a shit about it anymore, left it on the bench for whoever to pick up! In recognition of the Battle of Trafalger in which Lord Nelson beat the French whilst also getting injured, all Hashers displaying a Nelson H3 logo received a Fine. We were then treated to a re-enactment of the aforementioned battle, starring Plumley, Stroker and Teddy Beer, in honour of Lord Nelson winning and getting injured, but not dying until the following Monday. All actors were fined for their efforts. And so, when the clean up and pack up was done, it was time to say farewell as Hashers drifted off to commence their return home. On behalf of everybody, a huge thanks to our GM, Mini Ha Ha, for heading our organising committee. As they say, every team needs a good captain…..as does every ship! To all involved, I would like to say, the considerable effort and the huge success of the weekend, is a credit to you all, and makes me proud to be a part of Nelson H3!! Thanks sincerely, to all who came to celebrate our 30th Anniversary. It was great to see you and I trust you all had a fabulous time in the sunny Top of the South. On On and Happy Hashing, until next time. (Possibly NZ Nash Hash 2025)? Sir Creamalot, for and on behalf of Nelson Hash House Harriers.