Rangitoto Island Run - Auckland HHH Monday Feb 7th

Z pier to Rangitoto ‘Dio, do you need a hand with the tucker? I could ask 111 to do a coleslaw if it would help.’ I suppose I should have asked her first….. but I was happy to do it myself if necessary. It didn’t seem right for Dio to do the lot by himself or with Gladwrap who has always helped in the past. Nellie had the booze sorted and Captain had his big munitions containers and ice, so all was well. The only thing I had to organize was myself and that proved to be a mission. I opened my hash bag and discovered some of the gear was reluctant to leave the interior. It seemed to be glued in place. Further investigations revealed that an energy gel left in the bag from marathon days (expiry date circa 2015) had expired itself, exited the packet and proceeded to glue the gear into the bag. Nothing a bit of hot water couldn’t fix but we put this crap into our systems…. So we used 111’s bag. Sorted. Where are my runners? Found eventually, by 111, and we’re off to Z pier. I’m clearly starting to lose it. Regular readers are in little doubt. Good crowd turned out with good representations from most of the packs: Woeful, North Shore, Norwest, Hussies and Mangawhai. Excellent. Helped by Wot Wife bringing the Brown clan with partners. 37 on board one of the smaller boats. Would have been 38 but Bwana missed the boat. New skipper and crew – happy enough and a good set up. Magpie and Plunder considering the gut buster via McKenzie Bay. A couple of wines on the trip out persuaded them it was a bad idea. Onto the wharf and it was time for a group grope/photo op as per GM’s instructions. Photographer Nellie given instructions re fingers over lenses. On we go and the pack heads for the dunnies. Demon claimed he was using unisex facilities, but the female shrieks of indignation indicated they disagreed. The pack split between the Summit track and the Islington Bay track – none had the urge to do the gut buster. It was a take your own brew to the top job as the rangers have all changed and we haven’t been able to bribe them with a dozen to cart the bins up. We were led up by Old Ram, Utzi, Bush Banger, Dio, Phantom, Fifty Shades and Toejob. Old Ram and Utzi were the first two to the top to enjoy the drizzle and cloud but no view. Not sorry it wasn’t baking hot as I was buggered. Trip down was a different story. Old Ram should have been the first down, but he took a wrong turn and was headed back down to the wharf. He was put right by some of the slower pack members and ended up doing a kilometre more than the rest of us. Good quick run down following Fifty Shades most of the way and picking up the walkers down near the bottom. I arrived at the wharf and there’s something missing. No boat. According to 111 they stopped for a fish. Magpie was the first Hussie in, and she was sporting an injury, Broke her fall with an elbow. Demon arrived with the first aid kit and he, Weeek and Woody formed an A&E unit while we waited for the boat. Demon was well into his work with his MASH kit ‘Demon, is it true you’re also a keen amateur gynecologist?’ ‘Yes, I enjoy looking up me old mates.’ He then proceeded to tell me about his latest colonoscopy appointment. Way too much information even for the scribe. The skipper had a few issues tying up – the off shore breeze not helping – but soon enough we were boarding for a well-earned beer. Flipper flopped himself down on one of the munitions boxes. Demon reckoned he must have completed an apprenticeship. ‘How’s that?’ ‘Well, he’s showing a bloody great builder’s crack!’ Usual wait for the back markers with Arkles and Nellie sweeping all were accounted for so we started the tucker without them. There was more than enough food with Dio providing a big ham. We even had dessert – fruit salad and ice cream with sugar donuts. Athlete’s soul food. Fines The GM did the intro then handed over to the RA Demon was up first. He might have gotten away with trying to use the wrong dunny, and possibly his desire to look up old mates, but the final straw was offering Weeek the kiss of life for a blister….. ‘Balls to Mr Banglestein….’ Mrs Brown’s boys, girls and partners were called up along with Wot Wife – Mr Brown. He wasn’t the only Mr Brown on board and Violet was called up to join them. You can see the resemblance; he has arms and legs too. ‘How many queers can you grab by the ears in and old and English garden….’ Michelle and Alex were called up as virgins. Alex protested that he had been to Mangawhai so wasn’t technically a virgin – to no avail – as many hussies can confirm, you might not be a virgin, but could be to Auckland Hash. ’They ought to be publicly……’ Magpie was called up for an environmental offence. She fell over trying to read a sign and left blood on the rocks of Rangitoto. Demon got very excited being able to use the First Aid kit. We all have to have a reason to live…. ‘B-I-M-B-O…’ Flipper was fined to celebrate coming out – of his builder’s apprenticeship – which allowed him to display his builder’s crack while keeping the munitions box with all the booze in it firmly shut. ‘Arsehole….’ Old Ram clearly dehydrated, became confused and was busy running back to the Rangitoto Wharf from whence we had just come. If it hadn’t been for Selena as a back marker informing him of the error of his ways he would have had a very long run ‘You’re stupid…’ Weeek copped a fine for changing her socks mid run and still getting a blister. It remains a mystery as to how Demon’s ‘kiss of life’ was going to heal Weeek’s blister, but the power of human imagination/inspiration should never be underestimated ‘Arsehole….’

Crossdresser